“I have faced it, a life wasted – I’m never going back again.
I escaped it, a life wasted – I’m never going back again.
Having tasted, a life wasted – I’m never going back again.”
My whole life I have been overweight. Starting very early on I was the kid who would be rewarded with food or consoled with food or shut up with food. I grew up thinking that all things, in some way, involved food. Food became my shelter; it became the way that I would disconnect and shield myself from painful emotions. When I was challenged with situations in my life, whether they be family stuff or that no girl really ‘like’ liked me, I would always turn to food as my ultimate comfort…it never disappointed me, it never hurt me, it was something that I had complete control over.
As I grew older I held on to a lot of the pain and insecurities that came from being overweight. This continued through my adult life and I found myself being directly affected by the choices I was making. Instead of being truthful with myself and those around me, I would often run towards the only comfort I knew.
For a very long time, I didn’t feel like I had the ability to be in control of my weight. It felt like everything for me was predestined, and that included my size—I was predestined to be big my whole life.
Everything was a challenge for me. At 440.2lbs, every single thing I did was a challenge. My size took up all of my mental energy—from maneuvering where I was going to sit to how I was going to get in and out of places. I didn’t ever want to be around many people, for fear of their judgment of me. I had all this energy in my mind. I always wanted to be able to do things like simply take a walk, and going to GA shows was such a physical task for myself and as I considered those around me it just did not seem to be something I wanted to go through.
I now choose not to hide behind the artificial comforts of food and the control that I had sought in my life is now focused on controlling my own health and physical wellness.
It was not until I could give myself fully to this process and forgive myself for all of the damage that my choices had made in my life that I am now starting to see the fullness that life can bring. The release of my emotional pain brought me to a place of security and comfort; first, I just needed to get out of my own way.
I have in fact tasted a life wasted and I am never going back again…
-Marc Dominguez, Pearl Jam Fan